Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
by Ash-ash-ash
Summary: AU. Sequel to The Asphalt World. Cas has gone to university and Dean is working to become a mechanic while he hopes their relationship can survive them being apart.
1. Chapter 1

**Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder. At least, that's what some people say.**

* * *

><p>Dean closed the front door behind him and sat down on the stairs to take his shoes off. He was tired in his head from a long day in school. He had thought that becoming a mechanic meant learning about engines and tyres and how to change bits on cars. He had been surprised to find that he had to take lessons in math and english as well. The community college he had enrolled in had anallround education for people wanting to be a mechanic. There was of course lessons about cars and 'know your engine' type stuff but not as much as Dean had expected. He was happy he still had his job with Bobby and the promise on an internship. His class mates were not all set up and some of them would have to go to another town to find a place.<p>

He stood up and went to the kitchen where his mother was preparing dinner. Sam was sitting at the table doing his homework.

"Hi, hun, how was school?" Mary asked.

Dean suppressed a sigh. "Fine. A bit boring."

Mary looked at him with concern. She knew he was missing Cas but she was beginning to think there was more to it.

"Why boring?" she asked.

"I've just done it all before. The math and the English homework, the Spanish classes." He went and got a soda from the fridge.

"Well, you have to do it if you want to graduate from that school. Unless you can get Bobby to give you a certificate," she said.

"He can't. I'll have to have some sort of official seal of approval if I don't want to regret it later."

Mary smiled at him. "That's a very mature way of thinking," she said. "I'm beginning to feel it won't be long before you don't need your mother at all."

"Mom! Anyway, you still have Sam. He loves to be mothered," Dean said and made a mess of Sam's hair.

"Quit it!" Sam yelled.

Dean laughed and went upstairs to take a quick shower before dinner. Afterwards he checked his email for probably the fifth time that day. Every chance he got at school he would check to see if there was a message from Cas. He had been at university for four weeks now and was settling in fine. He had his own room and shared a kitchen and bathroom with three other guys. He had sent Dean pictures like Dean had hoped he would. The flat was alright, and his friends looked like nice guys, "But none of them are you," Cas had written in his email. Then he had proceeded to tell Dean what they would be doing right now if they were together.

Dean was glad he was doing so good. He didn't want Cas to be unhappy but he felt like he was doing most of the pining. Cas was obviously very busy with classes, homework, assignments, sports activities and his new friends. Dean sighed when he thought about it. He decided he too would make himself busy with school work. It might not be very different to what he had been doing before but there was always room for improvement and if he could focus on that maybe time would go by faster and Cas would soon be home for Christmas.

He also had the Impala, of course. He had changed all the lights and the wiring for them and they worked perfectly. He had been thinking about what he wanted to do with the upholstery and had decided not to do anything to it yet. Next year, he could take a class that focused on restoring old cars. If he could learn to do the seats himself he could save a fair bit of money. He had written a list of everything that needed to be done and scribbled notes next to every item of his thoughts and ideas and where he could get things cheap and what he could do himself. But it seemed the list would never end. There was always new things being added.

It would take ages to restore the car but that didn't matter. Bobby helped him when he could, telling him how to do certain things and Dean was grateful. They were getting on great and Dean was getting the hang of writing up the bills and taking payment from the customers. He had installed a coffee machine next to the sofa and as usual Bobby had stared at it for a long time, then left while shaking his head. But he didn't complain. All the changes Dean had made had brought more customers and Bobby couldn't see that was a bad thing so he let Dean do what he wanted.

* * *

><p>Dean and Cas had their first anniversary in August and they spent the evening talking on the phone about everything that had happened since then. They laughed when they remembered how Cas had come on to Dean at the party the night they had met. And Cas' surprise when he found out Dean was a virgin. Not to mention when he found out Dean had been on a date with Ariana. Dean didn't really laugh about that particular memory. He had almost lost Cas because of his own stupidity.<p>

"Promise me you won't date her while I'm away," Cas had said with a laugh and Dean had told him he was being silly but couldn't help laughing himself. He still saw Ariana now and again. She was working in the local beauty shop selling perfume and creme. Dean wasn't surprised. She had always loved that stuff.

Cas had asked if Sam was planning anything for his birthday that was coming up the month after and Dean told him he wanted a small party with his friends and Alex. Sam and Alex had been spending a lot of time together and when Dean had pressed him he Sam had admittet they were in a relationship but Dean had to promise he wouldn't tell anyone, especially their parents. Mary would freak out if she heard.

Dean couldn't help feeling jealous that Sam had someone while he was alone. Well, for the time being. Dean consoled himself by thinking about the sex he and Cas could have that Sam couldn't even be thinking about yet.

Turned out he _was_ thinking about it. Dean should have known but he kept seeing him as his kid brother and kept forgetting that like Dean he was growing up too. He was turning 15 next month and his hormones were beginning to rage. He had come to Dean's bedroom one evening and had sat down on the bed. Dean knew that something was up then and had waited for Sam to summon the courage to ask his questions.

"Um, Dean...you know when you and Cas got together?"

"Are we on that again?" Dean asked.

"Well, I was just wondering..." Sam stopped and thought for a moment.

"What are you wondering this time?"

"Well, I know that Dad was pretty mad when he thought you and Cas were...well, having sex," he paused and swallowed letting Dean get a word in.

"Not to mention Mom."

"Yeah, her too." Sam stopped talking altogether.

"Sam, you should _not_ have sex with Alex," Dean said.

"What! Why do you think we're going to have sex?"

"That's why you're here isn't it? Every time you start a sentence with "Um, Dean...you know when you and Cas got together?" it means you're thinking about doing something with Alex."

Sam huffed out a surprised breath of air, then his shoulders slouched and he sighed.

"I haven't asked her yet, I was just wondering how long you waited before you did anything with Cas."

Dean smiled to himself. They had pretty much been fooling around from the beginning but he couldn't tell Sam that. Instead he said: "Sam, you and Alex are way too young to have sex. Even if you think you're ready you might regret it later when you're older. And if you're not careful she could get pregnant."

Sam stared at him with horror. "I hadn't thought about that," he said.

"Well, there you go. You're too young for that stuff."

"Yeah. Anyway, I'm not even sure she would say yes. She hasn't let me do anything yet."

"Do anything? Like put your hand up her blouse?"

Sam nodded and looked at the floor.

Dean couldn't help smiling. It seemed Sam was way ahead of Alex. How typical for a teenage boy to think about sex even when the girl was nowhere near ready. He had thought about sex all the time when he was Sam's age. Back then, he was still thinking about girls. That was before he met Cas.

"Look, Sam, just take it easy and don't pressure her. You have all the time in the world to do stuff when you're older."

"Older! We might not even be together then!"

"Well, then it would be good if you hadn't had sex. Wouldn't you want your first time to be with someone special?"

Sam made a face. "I would just settle for a first time." He got up to leave and Dean said. "Just promise me that you'll talk to me before you do anything."

"Yeah, yeah," Sam mumbled and went to his room.

Dean sighed. If his school work couldn't occupy him he would have plenty to distract him in keeping an eye on Sam.

* * *

><p>Friday night, Dean went with Stan to get a burger. Stan had just broken up with Helen and he was feeling a little down. They hadn't seen much of each other during the Summer. Dean had wanted to spend as much time with Cas as possible and Stan had been busy arguing with Helen. When Dean asked why they broke up, Stan had said he didn't want to talk about it.<p>

They met Ariana and she came and sat down for a while. Dean thought it was nice being with his old friends and he managed to forget about Cas for a moment. When Ariana had gone back to her friends, Stan asked Dean if he was still interested in her. Dean gave him a look and said: "Where have you been this past year?"

"What do you mean?"

"I have a boyfriend."

"Yeah, but he's far away and anyway, maybe you would like to have a girlfriend next."

"What happened to you Stan? This is so unlike you."

Stan sighed. "I'm just disillusioned with life, that's all."

"At 18? Wow, that doesn't bode well for the rest of you life."

Stan made a face. After a moment he asked: "So if you're not interested in Ariana can I ask her out?"

Dean almost choked on his soda. He wiped his mouth and said: "Sure, go for it."

His sarcasm was lost on Stan who just smiled and looked Ariana's way.

************'


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Throughout the Autumn, Dean received photos from Cas that gave him an idea of what his boyfriend was up to. There were pictures of his classrooms, his own room, where he did his laundry, the campus book shop, a few birthday parties as well as Cas' own birthday party and even a few from a football game. Dean was surprised. Cas had never shown an interest in football before.

Dean felt at ease knowing what Cas was doing and that made him feel guilty because he felt like he was checking up on him. He tried to busy himself with the Impala, his internship at Bobby's and Sam's lovelife. Sam was still seeing Alex but it seemed like he wanted to go a little too fast for her and one afternoon at the beginning of December he came home, slammed the door and ran up to his room.

Mary and Dean were in the kitchen and they both had an idea of what was wrong. Dean immediately said he would go up and talk to Sam. He went up and knocked on Sam's door.

"Go away!" Sam cried from the other side.

"Sammy, it's me."

"Go away Dean!"

Dean sighed and decided to let him have a moment to calm down. He felt sure Sam would come to him when he was ready.

Dean had to wait two days before Sam would talk to him. He was in the middle of writing an email to Cas when Sam crept up on him and tapped him on the shoulder. Dean started and turned around. He quickly hid the email, he didn't want Sam to see the steamy content.

Sam went and sat on the bed. "Alex and I broke up," he said and stared at the floor.

"I'm sorry, Sammy. Why?"

Sam shrugged. "I guess we just wanted different things."

Dean had to hide his smile at Sam's adult sentence.

"Are you still friends?"

"No. She...was kinda mad at me."

Dean wasn't surprised to hear it. "Why? Did you do something bad?"

"I just...I wanted to go a little further, you know. Maybe do a little more than kiss. All the other kids my age do more than kiss."

"Sam, if someone your age says they're doing more than kiss they're probably making it up."

Sam looked at him. "What do you mean? Why would they?"

"Because it's cool and grown up to do more. But trust me, it's actually stupid."

Sam made a whining sound and fell back on the bed. "You keep telling me having sex is a bad thing. But how can I know if I haven't tried it?"

"_I'm_ telling you it's a bad thing. And you can take my word for it." He rolled his chair closer to the bed.

"Sam, I was exactly the same when I was your age. All me and my friends talked about were girls and how to get closer to them. And when one of us came and said we'd kissed a girl, one of the others had to top that the week after by saying they'd been allowed to put our hand up a girl's blouse and so it went on. But none of it was true. It made us feel like men when we were really boys for making up those stories."

Sam sat back up and Dean continued.

"Just give it time. Be nice to the next girl you meet and don't preassure her. You'll have a girlfriend a lot longer than those of your friends who just want to get into their trousers."

"Yeah...and then I'll be the first one to have sex because I've waited patiently."

Dean punched him hard on the shoulder. "That's not what I meant!"

"Ouch!" Sam rubbed the sore spot. "I know, can't you recognize a joke?"

Dean laughed. "I doesn't seem so," he said.

Sam stood up. "Thanks, Dean."

"No problem." He almost told Sam to get out because he was writing to his boyfriend but stopped himself at the last moment. He didn't want to hurt Sam because he thought he'd found a witty comment.

* * *

><p>One week before Christmas Cas finally came home. Dean had trouble sleeping the night before and he was really tired when the alarm started blaring. Then he remembered what day it was and jumped out of bed and into the shower. Cas' plane left at 9 in the morning so he would be there soon. His parents were picking him up at the airport and had asked Dean if he wanted to come with them. Dean had wanted to say yes but he wasn't sure he could control himself when he saw Cas. And getting arrested on the first day his boyfriend was home for the holidays wasn't on his wish list.<p>

Instead he decided to come over when they were back. He was going to spend the night so he packed a bag and went down to have breakfast. Afterwards he put on his shoes and coat, shouted a "See you on Tuesday" and left. It had been snowing heavily during the night so it took him a while to get to Cas' house. All the time he was smiling. He had initially told his parents he would spend one night with Cas but he intended to stay at least until Tuesday. And in all fairness he had told them about his plans, he had just left so quickly they hadn't had time to protest. He grinned at his own ingenuity and jumped over a pile of snow.

When Dean saw Cas he knew that not going to the airport had been the right decission. It was Cas who opened the door and he gave Dean a broad smile and pulled him in for a kiss. Dean kissed him back desperately and felt how Cas was clawing at his coat.

"You're letting the cold air in," they heard Ruth call from the kitchen.

The boys parted, panting for air and Dean came in so Cas could close the door. Dean put his bag on the floor and pressed Cas against the front door for another kiss. Cas opened Dean's coat and pushed it over his shoulders so it landed on the floor. Free of the thick garment Dean could more easily feel Cas and he pressed against him, rubbing their groins together. Cas moaned softly into his mouth and Dean sighed.

"Do you boys want some hot cocoa?" they heard Ruth call.

Reluctantly they parted. This wasn't the time of the place for it. They would have to control themselves a little longer. Dean gave Cas a hug before he let him go and that's when he noticed Cas' new hairstyle.

He pulled back a little and ran a hand through Cas' hair. Or what was left of it. He had shaved the bottom half off while the top was still long.

"Like it?" Cas asked with a smile. Evidently _he_ liked it.

"Um, I'm not sure." He actually didn't like it at all. But he didn't want to start the holidays with a negative comment. "I'm sure it'll grow on me," he said.

Cas smiled and put Dean's coat in the closet.

Then they went into the kitchen where Ruth had hot cocoa and cookies ready.

Dean made polite conversation with Cas' parents while he felt Cas caress his leg under the table. He wasn't sure how long he could take it. He felt his jeans grow tighter and tighter and was sure a seam would burst soon. After an hour the boys could finally go to Cas' room with the excuse that Cas was going to unpack and Dean had also brought a few clothes, so...

As soon as Cas locked the door behind them they latched on to each other and started pulling at clothes while trying to get onto the bed. Cas finally managed to get the lube out of the bedside table and he poured a generous amount on Dean's cock and rubbed it all over while Dean did his best not to moan loudly. He was sure Cas' parents would hear all way downstairs.

Cas lay back and pulled Dean on top of him. Then he spread his legs and Dean wasn't one to ask for foreplay when he himself was fit to burst so he pushed slowly into Cas while he kissed him on the neck. He heard Cas moan with both pain and pleasure and he felt dizzy and hot now that he was finally where he had longed to be for weeks.

Dean kissed Cas while he thrust into him with a steady rhythm. He wouldn't be able to hold back for long, he felt that instantly. It was a good thing they had a few days together. Cas was stroking himself quickly and judging by his strangled moans he was ready as well. Dean started to thrust hard, doing his best not to make too much noise. Cas was moaning into his ear and that alone was enough to sent Dean over the edge. He felt the familiar pull in his stomach and slammed hard into Cas who bit his lip and whimpered, his face screwed up with contained pleasure. With a few more thrusts Dean released into Cas while he felt something wet against his stomach. When he was all done Cas pulled him down into an embrace and they lay close while they got their breath back.

Dean must have dozed off for a moment. The next thing he knew Cas was caressing his back while he felt something itch on his stomach when he moved. He lifted his head and Cas smiled at him and kissed him gently.

"Let's take a shower," he said and Dean didn't protest. He didn't even bother to come up with an excuse to give Cas' parents if they should ask why they needed a shower simply from unpacking their bags.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Monday morning, Cas' parents went to work as usual leaving the boys alone for the day. They took full advantage by having loud sex before getting up to shower and have breakfast.

When Cas pulled a t-shirt over his head, Dean saw it was a tie-dye in purple, blue and pink. He couldn't help staring. Tie-dye?

"What?" Cas asked when he saw Dean staring at him.

Dean pointed at the t-shirt. "What's that?" he said with a smile.

"What, my t-shirt? Don't you like it?"

"It's, er, noticeable, you know, in crowds. If we get separated I'll be able to find you quickly."

Cas smiled. "Well, I like it. A friend made it for me."

"Oh? What friend?"

"Someone from school. We have a class together."

Dean wanted to ask his name, how he looked and why he was making t-shirts for Dean's boyfriend, but he figured Cas wouldn't appreciate being grilled like that so he decided not to. He hoped he would be able to keep his mouth shut.

Cas went over and put his arms around Dean's waist.

"Hey, you don't have to be suspicious. He's just a friend. You know I love you, right?"

Dean nodded and smiled. "Yeah," he said, but he couldn't escape the feeling that something in their relationship had shiftet. The few months apart had opened Cas up to a different world that Dean didn't have a place in.

Luckily, it wasn't long before Dean felt Cas was becoming his old self. He stopped talking about university and his friends there and was more interested in hearing about what had happened at home and about Sam's break up.

Sam spent an entire afternoon talking to Cas while they were sitting on Dean's bed and Dean was putting his laundry away trying to listen in. Sam had talked to Alex and from what Dean could hear Sam felt like there would be a chance for them again. Dean hadn't heard about this and he felt a little jealous that Sam told Cas and not him.

But all in all, he enjoyed the break from school. When it started back up after the break he had to start a four week internship with Bobby. Cas would still be home by then, he didn't have to leave until the end of january.

"Do you think you could come and visit me during Spring break?" Cas asked in the beginning of January and they were being lazy in his bedroom.

"Yeah, I think so. I mean, I'm sure Mom won't mind and if I pay for the ticket myself Dad will have less to complain about."

Cas stroked his hair. "Good, because I want you to know where I spend my time."

When Dean came home that evening he asked Mary if he could go and visit Cas and she had no objections. John didn't say anything about the matter, just that Dean was old enough to take care of himself.

* * *

><p>In the middle of January Dean went to his first work day with Bobby. Or the first one that was part of school. He knew a lot already and now that he could spend the whole day at the garage he learned a lot more. Bobby sometimes let him spend the last hour or two working on the Impala. He had managed to hammer out the small dents on the bonnet and the one below the back bumper. Just before Christmas he had sent it to be sprayed a black glossy colour and it looked like a completely new car. Now he was checking the engine and the wiring; a job that took a long time and required some help from Bobby.<p>

Cas had stopped by to see the progress and he had loved it. He said he was looking forward to going for a drive in it, maybe pulling over for a while. He had winked and rubbed against Dean who had smiled and thought that Cas really only had one thing on his mind. But he wouldn't turn him down if they ever went on that drive and he probably only thought about one thing as well so...

* * *

><p>When Cas went back to university he had a great holiday behind him. He had been to the park to skate with Sam and Dean watched them thinking back to the first time he was there, watching Cas and his friends. It seemed like a lifetime ago and yet he felt he hadn't had enough time with Cas. There were still things to learn about him.<p>

They had been on a double date with Stan and his new girlfriend, Jodie. Stan had asked Ariana out like he had said he would but she had turned him down politely. When Dean had talked to her a few days later, she had told him she saw Stan like a brother and she couldn't imagine going on a date with him. She hoped he wasn't too upset. Dean didn't know how Stan felt but about a week later, Stan had called Dean and told him about this new girl he'd met. After a bit of persuasion she had agreed to go out with him and when Cas got home Stan wanted Dean and Cas to meet her. She seemed nice enough but if Dean could chose he would go for Helen.

Jodie had a really loud laugh that got a bit shrill when she got really excited. She wore a lot of eye makeup and had long red nails. Stan had told Dean that she was more than interested in sex and he sometimes felt like he wouldn't be able to keep up with her.

Cas and Dean had also had time to hang out with Frank and the others. Dean still met them around town and he sometimes heard things from them about what Cas got up to at university that he hadn't been told himself. He always smiled and nodded like he had already heard but it tore at his heart and he felt excluded.

When he had tried talking to Cas about it they had ended up in a bad mood. It hadn't been an argument as such but Cas had said Dean shouldn't be so insecure and Dean had pouted and said he wasn't insecure. But he knew Cas was right. He wanted to know everything Cas did and he felt how wrong that was. Cas couldn't tell him everything. He had to have a life away from Dean.

Dean had been awake for a long time that night trying to figure out why he felt the way he did. He was in danger of becoming a jealous and controlling boyfriend and that was the last thing he wanted to be.

He hadn't come up with an answer until a few days later when they had gone to the public pool. Dean, Cas, Sam, Frank and Steve had spent a Saturday afternoon splashing around in the water and Dean had noticed a group of girls about their own age who were giggling and sticking their heads together while they whispered. They kept looking at Cas and Dean had done the same. He was wearing red swimming trunks and his hair was wet and draping across his forehead. He was slim and looked fit, not an ounce of fat in the wrong place. His skin that used to be pale and white had tanned a little and he looked really healthy.

Even though Dean knew Cas wasn't interested in girls he still felt a pang of jealousy. He had watched as one of the girls, a slender blond in a tiny bikini, made her way to Cas who was sitting on the edge of the pool and started chatting him up. Cas laughed at something she said and Dean had to use all his self control not to go over and say something not witty. The blond had said something while leaning closer to Cas but then Cas had shaken his head and pointed to Dean who got a glare from the blond. Cas turned his head and looked at Dean as well and Dean smiled and tried to look jolly. He wasn't going to look like he was checking up on them. The blond had disappeared quickly and Dean had been relieved.

That night, before they crawled into bed, Cas had put his arms around Dean and pulled him in for a hug. Dean had held him close like he was afraid he would disappear if he didn't.

"Cas, I'm sorry I've been so stupid. I know you can't tell me everything you do and you need to have your own life. I just miss you all the time."

"I know. I miss you too." He had pulled back and taken Dean's head in his hands. "But, Dean, I love you and I don't cheat on the peope I love. I just wish you would believe me."

"I do believe you! I do." He had pulled Cas down to sit on the bed. "I've thought a lot about it and you're right. I _am_ insecure. I just felt like everything between us happened so quickly. One moment I was in love with a girl, then I met you and my world was turned upside down. And just as things started to calm down and my Dad was coming around to us being together you go off to another city. I'm not saying I don't want you to go, I just...it's a bit too much."

"I know," Cas had said. "I wish I could stay here and study and be with you every day. And if I'm allowed to complain about something then I'd like to say how I hated your job at Bobby's getting in the way of us being together."

Dean had looked at him with surprise.

"Yes," Cas continued. "Three days a week you had to go to Bobby's and because your father was against us seeing each other we couldn't spend the weekend together." He was talking like he was joking but Dean knew he was right. Dean couldnt blame Cas for being out of reach when he'd had so many things to do himself.

"I know your job was and is important," Cas said. "And I'm not saying I wanted you to give it up. I just mean that you're not the only one who's suffering." He stroked Dean's cheeks and smiled. Dean smiled back and kissed him. He felt a little better now, knowing that Cas hated something he loved doing.

They had made love, Cas under Dean, moaning and breathing fast while Dean had taken him with urgency, trying to keep his orgasm back to make it last longer. It was quick and sweaty but oh so good and Cas kept repeating Dean's name, his hands stroking up and down his back.

They had held each other close as they fell asleep and Dean felt like he would be able to cope with Cas going away again. After all, he would see him again in just over two months.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Dean picked his bag up from the transport belt with a nervous twitch on his lips. He didn't know _why_ he was nervous. Maybe it was because he was going to see Cas in his new life or home or whatever. He would meet his new friends and see the places he went every day.

It was Spring break and Dean had arrived in San Diego around noon. Cas would pick him up at the airport and Dean was looking forward to seeing him.

As he walked out of the arrival area he scanned the crowd looking for a familiar face with jet black hair and sparkling blue eyes. He found the eyes but the hair had changed into a black-purply mess.

"Dean!" Cas exclaimed and hugged him tightly.

Dean hugged him back with a smile of surprise. He drank in the smell of him, feeling a little dizzy. Maybe he had been too self-assured he would be able to control himself this time.

When they parted, Dean looked Cas up and down. He was wearing tight black jeans and a loose grey t-shirt with a skull and a heart on it. He liked the jeans. The t-shirt he wasn't so sure about.

"What?" Cas asked when he saw Dean scrutinizing him.

"Nothing. You just look different."

"Oh, you like my hair?" Cas said and smiled, turning his head this way and the other so Dean could see it.

"Well, I guess if you're gonna be a little crazy it's now before you have to settle down in an ordinary job."

Cas looked at him with a little smile on his lips that Dean didn't like. He suddenly felt like a killjoy and that he was acting way too old for his age.

"I like you hair," he said and ruffled it.

Cas' face broke into a smile and they left the airport with their arms around each other.

They drove back to the university in a rusty bucket Cas had borrowed from a friend and Cas took Dean to his room to get him settled in. As soon as the door closed behind them, Cas was on Dean kissing him like it was the last time and Dean couldn't help feeling a little relieved that Cas still wanted him that much.

At least Cas' hair had been allowed to grow back and Dean grabbed hold of it and pulled his head back so he could suck on his neck.

When Cas moaned softly, Dean decided now would be as good a time as any to have 'I-haven't-seen-you-in-ages sex' and he ran a hand down to cup Cas' ass, squeezing a little.

It made Cas push against Dean and he held on to Dean's hips while he moaned.

"God I've missed you," Cas whispered. "You have no idea how many showers I've had to take. Especially in the last two weeks when I waited for you to get here."

Dean smiled. He knew, because he had his fair share of showers and locked bedroom doors behind him.

Dean found his mouth again and snaked his tongue inside. Cas opened for him willingly and let his hands slide up under Dean's t-shirt and across his chest.

"You've been working out," he said when he felt Dean's broad chest.

"Not really, it's the work at Bobby's."

"I like it," Cas said and smiled and Dean wished the world would stop so they could spend an eternity in this moment and go back to the real world when they were done.

Just as Dean had caught Cas' lips again in a heated kiss, there was loud banging on the door.

"Novak, hey Novak," someone shouted from the other side.

Cas sighed and reluctantly let go of Dean's lips. "Sorry," he said, and went to open the door.

"Novak, are you coming tonight? Tommy's getting everything ready and we need to know if you'll be there."

Dean peered through the doorway and saw a tall, skinny guy all dressed in black.

"Well," Cas said and looked back at Dean. "My boyfriend's here..."

The tall guy took a step to the right so he could see Dean.

"Oh, hey," he said and liftet a hand in a greeting. Dean gave him a head lift and a silent hey.

"Well, he can come too if he wants."

Cas looked at Dean again. "Do you wanna go? We were going to this old house outside town."

"It's haunted," the tall guy said and looked at Dean with happy eyes. "We're gonna go there with a tape recorder and talk to the ghosts. And drink a few beers," he added.

Dean didn't know what to say. He'd just arrived and now he had to make a decission between spending the evening with dead people or his very much alive and hot blooded boyfriend.

"Well, if you've already made plans to go I guess we could..."

"Exellent!" the tall guy said. "Then I'll see you in the parking lot at 11."

"Sure," Cas said and closed the door behind him.

"Sorry, Toby and Tommy have been talking about this house for ages. I agreed to go before you told me you were coming."

"It's alright. I'd like to meet your friends. A haunted house party could be just the place for it."

They both laughed and then went back to kissing. They weren't allowed to get far, though, because there was another knock on the door and this time it was a girl with short black and pink hair.

"Hey Cas. I thought you'd be back by now. So, where is he?"

Dean thought he saw Cas blush a little as he stepped aside to let the girl in.

"Karen, this is Dean," he said and gestured to Dean. "Dean this is Karen. She's the one who did my hair."

Dean said hi to the girl and thought he recognized her from some of the pictures Cas had emailed him. Now she just had a different hair colour.

"So, I thought we could get something to eat. I know that plane food won't keep your tummy full," she said and patted her stomach. Dean decided he liked her.

"Well..." Cas said and Dean knew he wanted to get back to the kissing but he was honestly very hungry.

"Maybe we could go? Just for a quick bite," Dean said and hoped Cas wouldn't be too disappointed. But Cas looked happy and said sure they could go.

As they walked towards the coffee shop, Cas grabbed Dean's hand and squeezed it. Dean realized he'd been just as nervous as him. Maybe he'd thought Dean wouldn't like his friends.

After getting something to eat, Dean felt a lot better. Karen was funny and entertained Dean by telling him about the time she met Cas and decided she wanted some of that only to be turned down time after time until Cas had finally told her he had a boyfriend back home.

When Cas had found his circle of friends who knew he was gay, he'd often told them about Dean. How great Dean was, how funny Dean was, how sexy Dean was. Dean felt his cheeks burn at the last one. He looked at Cas who also had red cheeks and Dean grabbed his hand under the table. Cas smiled at him, looking a little shy, and Dean was surprised that he was still feeling awkward about these things.

Karen left them to return to Cas' room by themselves to "refresh their memories of each other" as she put it. Cas groaned and rolled his eyes and he quickly dragged Dean off in the direction of his room.

When the door closed behind them, Cas pushed Dean down on the bed and straddled him as he started to kiss him. Dean put his hands on either side of Cas head and kissed back, deepening the kiss with every move of their lips.

Cas' annoyed growl must have been heard on the other side of the door when someone knocked.

"Go away!" he yelled and went back to kissing Dean.

"I have to talk to you," came the reply.

When Cas ignored them, they called: "It's about Mark."

Cas pulled his lips off Dean's and rested his forehead against his, breathing heavily.

"Sorry, Dean. I have to deal with this."

"I hope it's nothing serious," Dean said.

"No...no, it's not serious," Cas said and got off the bed. Dean was sorry he couldn't see the face of the person on the other side of the door. Cas' lips were red and swollen and his eyes had a shine to them that spoke of lust and sex. The intruder would have no problem knowing what he'd just interrupted.

When he'd left, Dean rolled onto his side and waited for him to come back. He thought about everything that had happened in the short amount of time he'd already been here. He was starting to understand why Cas was so happy about being here and why he talked so much about his friends when he was home. Dean was glad he'd come to visit and he was looking forward to the next week.

By the time Cas came back, he'd fallen asleep and since they had to be out half the night, Cas curled up beside him and decided he could do with a bit of shut-eye himself.

When they woke up they just had time to get something to eat before they had to meet Toby, Tommy and the others at the parking lot.


	5. Chapter 5

**So, "everybody" is doing some sort of drawing or painting of Dean and Cas kissing and I'm very jealous of their talent so I've decided to put in a bit of effort to learn. I'm used to drawing still lifes so it's difficult for me to get that anime/cartoon type line that I want to learn.**

**Anyhoo, for the people who are interested I've put up a link on my profile for my Dean/Cas kissing drawing along with *drumroll* naked cowboy Cas. Yes you heard correctly. But I had trouble drawing his feet and I intended him to hold a whip or gun or some such thing that I couldn't figure out how to do either so he's not quite finished. But all the important parts are there. Oh, and I'm not going to hazard a guess as to what he's doing with his right hand. :P**

**Finally, here's a bit of 'you know what' for the weekend. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 5<p>

After a quick sandwich, Dean and Cas went to meet the others. Karen was there and it turned out her car was the one Cas had borrowed when he went to pick up Dean at the airport. She had room for three and Dean and Cas squeezed in with Toby.

The other car was being driven by a nerdy looking guy with black rimmed glasses and a sweater vest. His name was Eli and he seemed a little down about something. Dean later found out he was the one who'd come knocking, interrupting Dean and Cas' chance to have some much needed sex.

He also had three passengers, Tommy, who'd been arranging the 'event', Matthew and a girl named Olivia.

They drove off and about twenty minutes later they arrived at a big old mansion. It was difficult to tell what it looked like in the darkness and the flashlights only gave a small view.

There was an open door at the back of the house and they went inside carefully. Tommy had been out there earlier to make sure nobody was squatting there at the moment. Nobody knew who owned the house so they didn't have permission to go in but Toby said that as long as they didn't break anything and cleaned up after themselves they should be fine.

The house was a bit derelict and they had to watch their step. They started by exploring the ground floor and Tommy had brought a couple of small tape recorders so they could see if they could catch any voices.

They split up and one group went upstairs. Dean and Cas stayed with Karen and Tommy downstairs and Tommy pressed record and started asking questions. The whole thing seemed a bit silly to Dean and he decided to just let Tommy do his thing.

Karen joined in with a few questions and after a while they started listening back to what they's recorded. There was nothing on the tape but their own voices and Tommy was very disappointed. The group upstairs hadn't caught anything either and they decided to take a break and have a beer.

Dean sat down and leaned against the wall. When he was halfway through his beer, Cas came over and sat down between his legs, leaning against him.

Dean played with his hair and pressed little kisses on his temple and Cas gave a sigh of content and fell heavy against him. It was another one of those time stopping moments and Dean was beginning to get impatient to be alone with Cas.

Tommy and Karen wanted to go upstairs and try another session but Dean and Cas stayed downstairs and listened to the other group asking their questions. Eli came over and sat next to them. He didn't much seem like he wanted to be there either.

Cas was playing with the hair at the back of Dean's head. He kept running a hand up and down and after a while it went straight to Dean's spine, making a tingling trail down to his groin.

Then Cas turned his head around and started kissing Dean slowly. He kept deepening the kiss, slowing down and letting his tongue linger against Dean's. Dean was thinking about how uncomfortable Eli must be feeling but the kiss was so good he soon forgot about him.

Suddenly, Dean's ears picked up a voice in front of them. "...get these two home as well."

It was Karen and she was looking at them and smiling. Dean was glad it was dark. He was sure his face was beet red. He and Cas had never made out like that in public before.

Since there had been no ghostly voices on the tape, the group had quickly tired and were talking about going to the bar. Dean was up for going home. It seemed at least Karen would understand if he and Cas didn't go with them.

They all squeezed into the cars again and went back to the university. Dean and Cas went to Cas' place and Cas locked the door securely behind them. He switched on a string of fairy lights that were draped across the headboard of the bed. When he kissed Dean, it was like a continuation of the kiss they'd shared at the house. It was slow and deep and Dean felt his whole body start to burn with desire. Cas had him naked in no time and finally they were on the bed, their hot flesh pressed against each other as they kissed and licked at each other's lips and neck.

Cas let a hand run down Dean's body and took hold of his cock. Dean hadn't realized he was already hard. His head was spinning and throbbing so much, the throbbing in his hard member was barely noticeable. As Cas started stroking him, Dean's breath became quicker and he let out a long moan that had Cas whispering dirty word in his ear.

Cas made his way down Dean's body and when he started sucking him off, Dean had to do his best not to howl and let the whole campus know what they were doing. Cas lavished attention on Dean's hard member and Dean couldn't help pushing up, feeling the tip of himself hit the back of Cas' throat.

Cas was breathing fast as he tried to take Dean as far down as he could. His hands were tickling Dean's hips and Dean bit his lip and grabbed on to Cas' hair with desperation. Before he knew it, he was shooting down Cas' throat and he felt how he was swallowing, trying to keep up with Dean. Dean practically growled as he tried to keep quiet. Cas shared a kitchen and bathroom with two other guys and Dean hadn't met them yet. He didn't fancy their first impression of him being his sex howls.

Cas crawled back up and kissed Dean, his mouth tasting a bit tangy and strange. Then he nuzzled Dean's neck and gave him a love bite below his ear. He reached for the lube and started to prepare Dean with two fingers. Dean wasn't sure he could take any more but he wanted Cas with an intensity that almost scared him.

Cas rubbed him gently, kissing him all the while and Dean sighed into their kiss. Then Cas got himself ready and while he rested an arm next to Dean, he pushed inside of him slowly but steadily until he couldn't get any further.

After more kissing he started to thrust, a long fluent motion that made him close his eyes with pleasure. Dean looked at him and felt a wave of love rush through him. Right then, Cas opened his eyes and looked at Dean and he could tell what Dean was thinking. They kept eye contact as Cas thrust faster and harder, until Dean felt himself react to the sensation and his cock was hard again.

When Dean came a second time, Cas was with him, making him wet inside and moaning deep down his throat as his breath washed over Dean's face. It was beginning to get light as they snuggled up against each other, overwhelmed with the feeling of finally being together again.

After a few hours sleep, Dean woke up and saw Cas sitting by his desk wearing a light brown cowboy hat. Nothing else.

When Dean stirred, Cas turned around and looked at him. He smiled and turned off the light on the desk, then switched on the fairy lights. The thick curtains kept most of the light out of the room.

Cas went and found a small package and as he walked to the bed, Dean's eyes were glued to him. He couldn't help staring at his cock and the way it was resting against his balls. So soft and comfortably.

"See something you like?" Cas asked.

"Mhmm," Dean said.

Cas laughed and got into bed giving the package to Dean.

"What's this?" It was wrapped in blue paper with silver curls and had a silver ribbon around it.

"It's a birthday present. Since I can't be with you on the day and I wanted to give it to you in person I thought it would be okay to give it to you now."

Dean smiled and pulled himself up so he was resting against the headboard.

He opened the present to find a box and inside the box was a bracelet. A man bracelet, that was. Made of thick, flat silver links and it had a long solid silver plate in the middle that had "Dean & Castiel" written on the back so it would be hidden against the skin.

"I didn't know if it was 'you' but I liked it so I took a chance and bought it," Cas said.

"I love it," Dean said and felt all mushy inside. He gave it to Cas to put on his right wrist and it fitted perfectly.

"Thank you," Dean said and kissed Cas.

Cas smiled against his lips and said: "I'm glad you like it."


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

The next day was spent walking around the campus doing a bit of sightseeing. Dean met the guys Cas shared a dorm with. They were nice but Cas didn't have any real friendship going on with them.

They met Eli outside the campus bookshop and he still seemed down about something. When Dean asked Cas if he was alright, Cas told him that his brother had just been expelled. He was in his last year and had been found selling weed. He'd already been caugh once in posession of it but this time the university couldn't let it slide. When Eli had come to see Cas the day before, he'd just found out and needed to talk to someone.

That was the only thing overshadowing Dean's stay in San Diego.

Dean had to go home Saturday mid-morning and Cas' friends decided to have a party on Friday night. To say goodbye, they said, but Dean suspected they would use any excuse to have a party.

They had it at Toby's place. His roommates were away for the week so they woudn't disturb anybody. There were about twenty people there and when Dean and Cas arrived, Dean immediately noticed a guy who looked a little worse for wear. He looked like someone had smeared light brown eyeshadow all around his eyes. His voice was gravely and he semed to be fidgeting a lot with his zipper.

When Dean asked who he was Cas said it was Mark, Eli's brother.

The party was fun but just before midnight the beer was almost gone. Eli said he would go and get some more and Dean offered to go with him.

They were gone about 20 minutes and when they came back, Dean asked where Cas was and was pointed to Toby's room. When he entered he immediately noticed a smell of smoke. But there was something else in it as well that he couldn't put his finger on. He found Cas sitting between Mark and Tommy on Toby's bed smoking and it took him a second before he realised they were smoking pot.

"Cas, what are you doing?" he asked because he didn't know what else to say.

"Dean! You're finally back. Come sit here." Cas patted the bed beside him and smiled goofily at Dean.

"Are you smoking pot?" Dean asked a bit unnessesarily.

"Yeah, come join us." Cas patted the bed again.

Dean looked at Mark and felt the rage well up inside him. He'd just been expelled and now he was back trying to take Dean's boyfriend with him in the fall.

"Cas, I think we should leave," Dean said, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

"Why? We're having fun. Come sit." He tried to pull Dean down by his t-shirt but Dean stood his ground. Insted he grabbed Cas by the wrist and started pulling him off the bed.

"Hey, come on," Mark said and tried to interfere.

"Mind your own damn business," Dean growled and succeeded in making Mark retreat.

"Come on, Dean," Tommy tried, but Dean just glared at him and pulled Cas up on his feet. Then he dragged him off to his room, ignoring the looks from the other people.

"What the hell are you doing?" Dean asked when the door had closed behind them and he'd plonked Cas down on the bed.

Cas rubbed his eye and looked confused at Dean's reaction.

"What do you mean? I'm just having fun."

"You're smoking pot, Cas!" Dean yelled.

"So?"

"So?" Dean repeated. "So, you should have more sense than frying your brain like that."

Cas looked at him like the fog was beginning to lift. At least a little.

"It's not that bad," he said. "I don't smoke it that much."

"That doesn't matter. Every time you smoke you get more addicted and then where will you be? Where? With Mark out on the street? Do you think your parents will be happy that you're throwing your life away?"

Cas looked scared for a moment at the mentioning of his parents.

"You won't tell my parents, will you?"

"I don't know," Dean said, but he knew he couldn't rat Cas out like that.

They were silent for a moment. Cas was rubbing his face, looking like he was thinking hard, and Dean was angrily pacing the room.

The fourth time he walked by Cas he was held in place when Cas grabbed his hips and looked up at him.

"Don't be mad at me, Dean," he said and started to unzip Dean's jeans.

"I can take almost anything than you being mad at me."

He pulled the jeans down over Dean's hips and started mouthing his cock through his underwear. Dean couldn't help his head going back and his mouth opening in a silent moan, but he quickly got it together. This wasn't the time to fool around. He was trying to make a point and get Cas back on track.

He tried to pull away but Cas only tightened his grip on Dean's hips and hooked a leg around his to hold him in place. Then he pulled Dean's underwear down and started sucking him off, a hand pumping at the root. Dean closed his eyes and let Cas do what he wanted. This was too good to say no to.

Cas sucked him quickly and Dean played with his hair and sucked in air as he tried not to lose it. When he was hard they took their clothes off and Dean pushed Cas down on the bed so he was on his stomach and then crawled on top of him. He lubed up and pushed inside him and started thrusting slowly until Cas was moaning. Then he went faster while he was lying on top of him, holding on to his shoulders, kissing Cas when he could.

After a while Dean turned him on his back and pushed his legs up. Then he leaned down and while he kissed him he started fucking him fast. Cas was making high pitched moans that never stopped and Dean loved having him under him completely unable to do anything. When Dean slowed down for a moment they kissed but Cas had to let go of Dean's lips when he started to thrust faster. His moans made Dean dizzy. He'd never felt an urge to dominate Cas in this way but he felt like he had to make a point. Of what he wasn't sure. And the method was probably questionable.

Cas' moans became higher and faster. He sounded like a teenager who was having his first sexual experience and was surprised at how good it was. He started stroking himself and Dean watched his hand as it rubbed over his cock. It was very hot to look at and he took Cas even harder. With just a few more strokes Cas spilled onto his stomach. It took Dean a few more minutes and his continued pounding had Cas still whimpering.

When Dean had cleaned them up they fell asleep but Dean had a very bad night waking up from the disappointment of the evening and fear of oversleeping and missing his plane.

He did get up on time, though, and he went to take a shower and eat breakfast. When he went back to Cas' room to pack his bag Cas was still sleeping but he woke up when Dean started rummaging around trying to find all his things.

He emerged from the covers looking terrible.

"I have to leave in twenty minutes," Dean said and threw a t-shirt angrily into his bag.

"Do you hate me?" Cas asked.

"No." Dean was folding a pair of jeans.

"Dean, I'm sorry." Cas sat up and tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes. He looked like being vertical was difficult for him.

"I just don't understand you," Dean said with an angry voice.

"I just...I want to try things, you know, I don't want to grow old and not having done anything with my life."

"Like becoming a drug addict?"

"Dean, that's not fair!"

"No? What'll you do when smoking pot won't be enough. When it won't give you the buzz it usually does. What's next then? Heroine?"

"You're overreacting, I would never do heroine!"

Dean could tell Cas had been hurt by his words but he had to get through to him somehow. No matter how much his heart ached at the way he was speaking to him.

"Could you at least give me a heads up before you come home for the Summer? You know, so I can be prepared for you showing up with a tattoo or a piercing."

He zipped his bag close and let his hands drop to his side, his back to Cas. This wasn't the way he wanted to leave.

Then he felt Cas' slender body leaning against his back, his arms around his waist, and he turned around and held him tight. Cas rested his head against the crook of Dean' s neck.

"I'm sorry," Cas said again.

"I just love you so much. I don't want to see you waste your life," Dean said and kissed his hair.

"I love you too."

"Then please stop ruining yourself." Dean found his lips and kissed him greedily.

"Alright. I promise. I won't smoke again," Cas said when they parted.

Dean looked at him with slight surprise that he'd agreed so easily.

Cas rubbed his thumbs over Dean's cheeks. "I won't smoke pot again. I promise," he repeated.

Right then there was a knock on the door and Eli called to Dean from the outside.

"He's gonna drive me to the airport," Dean said at Cas' questioning look. "He offered to drive me last night when we went to get beer. So you wouldn't have to get up early."

"Oh. Well, I don't really feel in a state to drive anyway," Cas said and tried a smile.

Dean grabbed on to him and held him in place.

"I don't wan't to tell you what you can and can't do. I only ask because I love you," he said.

"I know," Cas said and kissed him. "And I'm lucky to have you to look after me."

Eli knocked again and Dean called that he would be right there.

They weren't parting the best way but Dean had to go or he would miss his plane.

"I have to go," he said and felt Cas' grip on him tighten. Then he let him go and said: "Yeah."

Dean kissed him and hugged him one last time then he left.

He felt awful all the way to the airport. He didn't want to leave Cas like that. He wanted to stay and take care of him and talk things out. He asked Eli to check on him when he got back and he promised he would.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

Dean didn't speak to Cas until Sunday evening. He needed some time to think and digest the previous week and he thought Cas probably could too.

Sunday evening he grabbed the phone and called Cas who was happy to hear from him. They managed to talk things through and Dean promised he wouldn't tell Cas' parents what had happened.

He had spent Sunday with Stan who had broken up with Jodie.

Now he swore he was going to be single for a while. He was tired of women.

"Really? After only two girlfriends?" Dean asked.

"Well, err...it's actually three," Stan said. They were on their way to the book shop where Stan was going to buy a present for his dad whose birthday was coming up.

"Three? When did you have three girlfriends?"

"Well, while you were away I met a girl. Me and Jodie were pretty much over so I decided to end it when I met Stacy. We were together for three days. Turned out she was completely crazy so I ended that as well."

Dean didn't know what to say but he was happy he had Cas so he called him as soon as he got home in the evening. No matter how much he wanted to try different things, Dean still wanted him and he told him once again that he wasn't trying to control him, he just wanted him to be safe.

* * *

><p>The last few months of Spring and early Summer went by quickly. Dean learned a lot and he was among the top in his class. He credited his job at Bobby's for that.<p>

The Impala was coming along nicely. It had been sprayed, all the lights worked and the engine was running perfectly. The next job would be the interior. Dean polished the dash board and under all the grime and dirt it was pretty much perfect. He decided to change the upholstery and spent many evenings calculating and looking for the cheapest materials that would still be good quality.

Just before school ended for the Summer, he bought an old Puch motorcycle from a class mate. It needed a little attention and even though Dean didn't know a lot about motorcycle engines he figured an engine was an engine so he would probably be able to fix it.

He hid it at Bobby's under a tarp by the Impala and would get it fixed up so Sam could get it on his 16th birthday in the Autumn.

It was a Friday evening and he was going home to have dinner with Sam. Their parents would be away until Sunday afternoon and he and Sam had planned an evening of pizza and movies so he was in a hurry to get home.

Cas would be home the following week and Dean had two exams left before he was free for the Summer. He was in a happy mood when he walked through the door and called: "Sammy I'm home."

When he turned around he was face to face with Cas who was looking at him with beaming eyes.

"Cas! What the hell-" he managed before the rest of the sentence was cut off by the bear hug he got. He put his arms around Cas and they just stood like that for a long time.

"I finished my exams earlier so I hurried home," Cas said into Dean's neck.

"I'm glad," Dean said and played with his hair. It was a lot shorter and after kissing Cas thoroughly, he noticed it had a green tinge to it.

"It was pink," Cas said, when Dean studied it closer. "I decided to go black for the holidays and it turned out a bit green."

Dean laughed and kissed him again. Sam appeared and said pizza was on the way and he knew which movie they were going to watch.

"Is that so?" Dean said and walked off towards the living room to find the movie _he_ was sure they were going to watch.

They ended up watching a third movie (the newest Indiana Jones) because they couldn't agree and Cas said he was fed up listening to them argue so he would chose a movie. Pizza arrived a few minutes later and they settled down on the sofa and fell into silence as they ate.

Afterwards, Cas snuggled up to Dean and they watched the rest of the movie. When the credits started to roll, Sam said he was going upstairs to call Alex.

"Are they together again?" Cas asked when he'd disappeared.

"Not as such, but they're talking a lot more these days."

"He's grown a lot since I last saw him."

It was true. Dean just realised that Sam was almost as tall as Cas. He hadn't noticed because he saw Sam every day. He told him about the Puch he'd found and Cas was very excited and said he had to try it when Dean got it running.

After an evening of one more movie, a few card games and a lot of talking, Dean decided Cas was going to stay the night.

"What about your parents?" Cas said. He'd been allowed to stay before but he didn't want John to get mad at them.

"I won't tell them. And Sam won't either."

"I won't tell," Sam said. "And you know the rules by now," he continued with a grin before he went to his bedroom.

Dean sighed. The rules. It was becoming more and more ridiculous that he couldn't be with his boyfriend in his own room. They were almost 20. Well, Cas was, Dean had to wait about ten months. But still, they were old enough to spend the night together.

They crawled under the covers and talked for a while before falling asleep. In the middle of the night, Dean woke up and felt annoyed about something he couldn't really put his finger on. Then it came to him.

"Cas," he said and shook him. "Cas, wake up."

"What?" Cas said sleepily.

"Your hair."

Cas rubbed his eyes and tried to find Dean in the darkness. "What?"

"Your hair. You didn't dye it black because you thought I wouldn't like the pink, did you?"

"No, why do you think that?"

"Because I've been a little strange about this whole...new you."

Cas huffed out a laugh. "Don't worry. I dyed it because my parents wants me to spend some time with them at work this Summer and meet some of the people they do business with. I didn't think they'd appreciate me turning up with bright pink hair."

Dean laughed. "No, they probably won't," he said and relaxed. Cas kissed his jaw and curled up against him and they were soon asleep again.

It was past 9 before they woke up and completely ignoring Cas' reminder of his parents Dean soon had them hard and started to stroke them both. He looked at Cas who had his head turned to one side and was biting his finger. Like Sam he had grown up a little. Dean noticed now that he was splayed out before him. He quickly pushed all thoughts of Sam away. Now was not the time to think about him.

When Dean had finished he sucked Cas the rest of the way and then rested on top of him while Cas stroked his back. A while later they went to take a shower and then have breakfast.

* * *

><p>A few weeks later, Dean had finished school and was free to spend every day with Cas. The Summer was spent with their friends and going on double dates with Sam and Alex who were together again. The parents all wanted to take their respective son somewhere since family holidays would soon be a thing of the past as the boys would be carving out a life of their own.<p>

Dean managed to convince his parents that a trip to the Grand Canyon would be the thing but wasn't it a strange coincidence that they should happen to run into Cas and his parents who were there the same week?

Dean pretended complete innocence and Sam tried his best not to laugh while their parents sat with open mouths in the restaurant at the hotel where they had spottet Cas and his parents. They ended up spending the evening together and most of the holiday and when they went home, Dean had a feeling there was a greater understanding between John and Cas' family.

Dean also worked hard on the Puch and Cas could take it for a drive just before he had to go back to San Diego. It was very noisy and Cas immediately named it the Red Devil. Dean also had a go but he had a feeling motorbikes weren't for him. He would be more comfortable once he got behind the wheel of the Impala.

When Dean and Cas had said goodbye and Dean was lying on his bed with his hands under his head staring at the ceiling, he thought the Summer had flown by so quickly. It was a blur of long hot days lazing in the sun or the shade when it was too hot, of swimming in the lake, skating in the park and going to get coffee. And of course making love when they could. But they also spent many nights just snuggling up together, enjoying the feeling of being with someone they loved and who loved them.

Summer had been pretty much perfect.


	8. Chapter 8

**Happy Christmas everybody.**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 8<p>

"No way!"

Sam looked at the Puch in disbelief. "That's for me?"

"Sure," Dean said. He had taken the Puch home the night before and hidden it in the garage. Today was Sam's birthday and Dean had waited until he had opened his other presents before he'd taken Sam out to show him the scooter.

Sam was struggling to find the words, then he said: "Thank you very much Dean," and gave him a hug.

"Your very welcome," Dean said and stepped back so Sam could sit on the Puch.

"Where did you get it?" Sam asked.

"From a classmate. I fixed it up myself."

Sam grinned leaned down like he was speeding along the road.

Mary looked worried and said: "Are you sure it's safe?"

"Yes, Mom. I've checked that everything works. Bobby helped me."

"Well, if Bobby helped you...," she said, but she still didn't look completely convinced.

John, on the other hand, was just as excited as Sam. He had wanted a scooter when he was a young man but had never managed to save enough money for it.

"I have to take it for a ride," Sam said.

"Not until you open your present from Cas," Dean said and handed a big box to him.

It was a helmet and Mary looked a little relieved. It was just like the time Dean had bought the skateboard for Sam and Cas had given him the protection gear.

Sam went for a drive around the neighbourhood and Dean and John waited outside the house for him. Mary had gone in to clean up after breakfast.

They stood for a while then John asked as casually as he could: "So, how's Cas?"

The question took Dean by surprise and if he'd been asked only a week before he would have been very happy that his dad showed an interest. Now, he felt a knot in his stomach.

"He's fine...I think."

"You think?"

Dean kicked an imaginary stone on the ground.

"He's busy. I haven't heard from him in a while."

"Oh, that's too bad."

Just then, Sam came roaring around the corner and saved Dean from an uncomfortable conversation. He stopped when he reached Dean and John.

"It's awesome!" he said and opened the cover on the helmet.

"Let me try," John said and Sam got off the scooter.

"I'll go and help Mom," Dean said, but Sam and John were so busy with the scooter they didn't hear him. Instead of going into the kitchen, Dean went to his bedroom and grabbed his phone. He called Cas but there was no answer. Like there had been no answer the day before.

Dean sighed and fell down on his bed. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was losing Cas. His photos had become rarer and when Dean tried calling him he didn't answer. Then he would call back to apologise and tell Dean he was swamped with school work. He always told Dean he loved him but recently it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself that he did.

It was Sunday and Cas didn't have classes. He might have schoolwork to do but Dean thought that he could at least spend five or ten minutes talking to him.

Dean spent the rest of the day with Sam. He hadn't wanted a party this year, he thought he was too old for that, but it was really just him beeing a teenager. Dean had told Mary that she shouldn't be disappointed. In a year or two, Sam would be old enough to have a grown up birthday party.

Stan droped by in the afternoon. He had finally decided on a career. While Dean had started on his own education, Stan had continued working at the library. They were happy with the work he did and he enjoyed being there so he had decided to become a librarian. "Like, for real," he said and hopped onto Dean's bed.

"Weren't you a real one before?" Sam asked.

"Mmm no. Believe it or not but it takes years of studying to become a librarian. I have to learn about books and digital media and...stuff. I haven't really looked into it yet."

"Sounds great," Dean said absent-minded.

"What's up with you?" Stan asked.

"Nothing," Dean said quickly. "Let's play cards or something." He got up to find his deck of cards. He didn't want to talk about Cas. He might be wrong like he'd been wrong before. Cas' classes were demanding and just because he didn't call Dean all the time or email him photos didn't mean he'd stopped caring. And Dean had a tendency to let his imagination run away with him.

* * *

><p>Stan left just before dinner and Dean and Sam went to help set the table. After an uneventful evening they went to get ready for bed. Dean thought about calling Cas one more time but decided no to. He would be able to see on his phone's display that he'd called so he could just call back when he got the time.<p>

Just as Dean had jumped into bed there was a knock on the door and Sam stuck his head through the door.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Sure. Why do you ask?" Dean said surprised.

"Because you seemed a little down about something when Stan was here." He came all the way in and pushed the door closed. "And Dad asked me earlier if you and Cas were having problems. Are you?"

Dean rubbed the back of his neck trying to decide what to tell Sam.

"We're not having problems. We're just...not talking a lot these days."

"Oh." Sam nodded like he understood. "Do you think he's found someone else?"

Dean looked at him quickly. "No! Why? Why do you think that?" He felt cold all over but in truth the same thought had already crossed his mind before.

"Dude, relax. I'm just asking. I don't think that," Sam said and held out his hands like he was trying to ward Dean off.

Dean took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

"Dean, being at university takes a lot of work. Don't worry about Cas. He loves you."

Dean nodded but he was starting to doubt he still had a boyfriend.

"Try calling him tomorrow," Sam said and opened the door.

Dean nodded again and didn't bother telling Sam he'd already called him five times this weekend without getting hold of him.

* * *

><p>Monday evening Cas finally called. Dean had just finished his homework and was trying to decide how to spend the evening.<p>

"Dean, I'm sorry I haven't called you back sooner. Everything's very hectic right now."

"That's alright," Dean said and hated himself for not starting the conversation he knew he really wanted to have.

"So, did Sam like the Puch," he asked, and while Dean told him everything about the day before he felt like their bond was still there, that Cas was his and his alone and he really _was_ swamped with school work.

They talked for about 15 minutes and before they said goodbye, Cas said: "I've emailed you some photos. I know I haven't been good at that lately so I decided to make it up to you."

"Oh, that's great. I'll have a look at them now."

"And Dean, if I don't send you any more before Christmas it's not because I've forgotten about you, it's just that I don't really do much besides studying."

"Sure, don't worry," Dean said.

"I'll call you again soon, I promise," Cas said and Dean had to stop himself from thinking a sarcastic "Yeah, sure."

Instead he told Cas he loved him and they hung up.

Then he went and turned on his laptop to have a look at Cas' photos. He was almost looking forward to seeing what colour his hair was now.

It wasn't the hair he looked at, though (it was still black), because Cas had sent him ten nude photos that left nothing to the imagination, well, perhaps except the one where he used the cowboy hat to hide his private parts. Still, Dean knew what was going on behind it because on all the pictures Cas had the most marvellous erection that made Dean's groin throb.

He decided to have an early night and brought the laptop with him to bed.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

Dean paced the kitchen waiting for the clock to strike 11. Cas had come home the day before but he had asked Dean if they could wait until the next day before they met. There was something he had to talk to his parents about.

It was only two days until Christmas and Dean had a present waiting for Cas. He'd bought him a new school bag, probably not the most romantic present but Cas really needed one none the less, and after a lot of walking past the sex shop he'd finally found the courage to go inside and buy a pair of purple lace panties and a matching feather boa. He wasn't sure Cas would wear women's underwear but he seemed open to pretty much anything else so Dean had taken the chance. He had initially wanted to buy some sort of toy but he didn't like the way the overpainted woman behind the register looked at him. Like she was imagining Dean doing strange sexual things. So he'd grabbed the most normal things he could see and had left as quickly as possible.

Finally, a little past 11, the doorbell rang and Dean ran to the door.

Cas gave Dean a weak smile and hugged him back when he almost got smothered in his arms.

He left his coat and boots in the hall and they went upstairs to Dean's room.

"So, how's your family?" Cas asked.

"My family? They're fine. Do you really want to talk about my family?"

"I was just wondering how Sam is getting along with the scooter." Cas sat down on the edge of Dean's bed.

"He loves that thing," Dean said with a smile. "It's made him very popular with the girls while all the boys envy him." He went and sat down next to Cas who willingly let himself be kissed.

Dean tried to get him to lie down, but he broke the kiss and said: "That's great. What else is he getting up to? Is he still with Alex?"

Dean was puzzled. Why the sudden interest in Sam?

"They're still together. And he's working a few hours a week at the book store. My Dad has just sold a big house that's been on the market for almost a year so he's thrilled and my Mom's found a new recipe for chocolate chip cookies."

Cas gave him a look like he was wondering why Dean was telling him all this.

"Didn't you want to know about my family?" Dean said.

Cas looked at the floor and Dean knew something was up.

"What's wrong?" he asked with dread.

"Dean...," he shiftet on the bed. "Dean, I didn't want to tell you this, not now anyway, just before Christmas. And my parents thought I should wait but I can't lie to you and pretend everything is fine."

Dean felt the blood drain from his cheeks. This was it. The thing he'd been dreading.

"Dean...," Cas said again, and Dean wanted to scream.

"I've met someone..."

Dean inhaled sharply and pushed back on the bed. After a moment, Cas finally looked at him.

"Dean?"

"Who is he? No don't tell me. I don't want to know." He got up and started pacing the room. He felt like all the emotions he'd had in the past two months suddenly came crashing down on him. He'd known this would happen. Hadn't he? He'd known something was up when Cas didn't answer his phone. But then he'd convinced himself he was being silly. And Cas had sent him those nude photos. Why had he done that?

"How long has it been going on?" he finally asked.

"It hasn't. I haven't done anything with him. I would never cheat on you, you know that."

"I thought you wouldn't. I also thought you loved me." His eyes were starting to burn and he blinked continuously.

"I did love you. I still do-"

"Don't lie!" Dean shouted.

Cas looked stricken. Dean almost believed he still did have feelings for him. He turned and looked out the window, remembering how he'd seen Cas drive by on his skateboard all that time ago.

"Dean, I still love you...in a way. It's just...this other person is someone I see every day and that I've developed feelings for and I have to try and see where it goes."

Dean was breathing heavily, trying not to cry. He felt like he wasn't good enough anymore, like Cas had woken one morning and decided he was trash, just a mechanic, and he would be better off with someone who was bookish and more like him.

"Fine!" he said defiantly. "Then you go and see where it's going then. I wouldn't want to get in your way."

"Dean, please don't be like this." He could hear Cas walk up behind him and he was torn between turning around and pushing him away or pull him into his arms and try to get him to stay. He felt a hand on his shoulder but shook it off. He knew he was being unfair. Cas was trying to do the decent thing, but Dean loved him and when loved turned sour you couldn't expect the wronged party to act mature in that moment.

"I'm sorry," Cas whispered. "I'll be home until the middle of January...if you want to talk."

Dean heard him leave, then he couldn't hold the tears back anymore. He cried until he was almost ashamed of himself. He went into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face, then he sat down on the floor and tried to calm down but he didn't do a very good job.

He curled up in his bed and fell asleep a bit later. He was woken by Mary in the afternoon who asked him if he intended on sleeping all day and where was Cas? She went quiet when she saw his face and Dean thought he must really look like crap.

"Oh, honey," she said and sat on the bed.

"Mom, please don't," he said. He really didn't want to cry in front of his mother.

"I just...can I do anything?" she asked.

"No."

She stroked his hair and said she would get him something to eat.

Dean wasn't hungry but he didn't say anything. She probably needed to excercise her motherly instinct or something. While she was away he went to the bathroom to wash his face and he took a step back when he saw himself in the mirror. His eyes were puffy and red and he was white as a sheet. No wonder his mother could tell something was wrong. He put some cold water on his eyes and decided to hide in his room the rest of the day.

Luckily, Sam was busy with something else and John stayed away because Mary had told him Dean was unwell and wanted to be left alone.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

It was the worst Christmas Dean had ever had. He didn't want to sit down to the nice dinner his parents had made and he didn't want to spend an evening being cheerful and pretending to be happy about his presents when he really didn't care about them, all things considered.

He did his best for his family's sake; after all, he didn't want to ruin their happy day but he was desperate to call Cas and talk to him. Maybe now that he had actually broken up with Dean he'd changed his mind. Maybe there was still a chance for them. But then he thought he was wrong. If Cas wanted to be with him he would have called him already.

Dean felt like he had to do something to change the situation but he couldn't force Cas to be with him and he probably wouldn't be able to convince him to stay. He got so frustrated he clenched his fists and paced around his room. He'd never felt this helpless before.

He'd put the present for Cas in the back of his wardrobe. He couldn't stand to look at it.

Two days after Christmas, Sam came to talk to Dean who was just lying on his bed trying to decide if Mongolia was far enough to get away and different enough that he would forget about Cas.

"So, did you and Cas break up?" Sam asked and sat on the bed.

"Sort of. He broke up," Dean said.

"I'm sorry. Did he say why?"

"He's met someone who's a lot more intersting and fun and smarter than me."

"Did he say that?"

Dean sighed. "No. But he might as well have."

They were quiet for a while.

"Maybe he'll realise he's made a mistake."

"I've already been down that road, Sammy. He's not gonna change his mind."

Sam squeezed his shoulder, then left him alone. New Year's Eve was in a few days and Dean had no idea what to do. Not that he wanted to do anything. What was the point?

He called Stan and told him he wasn't going to the party at Sharon's house they'd planned on going to. When Stan asked why he decided to just tell him. Might as well get it over with. Stan said they could do something else but Dean told him to go to the party. There was no reason he should have his evening spoiled when Dean just wanted to wallow in self-pity. After a little convincing, Stan said he would go to the party but Dean just had to call and he would come over.

Dean ended up spending New Year's with his parents at home. Sam was going to a friend's house. John had heard from Mary what had happened and he tried his best to be diplomatic and didn't mention Cas. They went ouside to set off a few fireworks at midnight and Dean decided to go to bed soon after.

A few days later, Stan came by and Dean was dying to ask if Cas had been at the party. He decided not to ask, though. If he was going to live through this break up he would have to stop thinking about Cas and wondering what he was doing and who he was with. The last part hurt the most. To know that Cas was with someone else. Doing all the things he'd done with Dean.

Stan accidentally let slip that Cas had been there. He was telling Dean about an incident at the party and mentioned Cas. He immediately went quiet.

"Sorry," he said.

"It's alright," Dean said and tried a smile but it didn't feel right.

"If it eases your mind he was there alone," Stan said.

"Oh." It did ease his mind. At least a little.

* * *

><p>When Dean started school again, the aching he'd felt at losing Cas had turned into a numb pain. He had one week of school, then he was starting a three month internship at Bobby's. He was happy about that because when he got home in the evening he was tired and he did his best to always be with people so he didn't have time to think about Cas. When he went to be he fell asleep quickly. If he felt like he wouldn't, he would stay up a little longer. He didn't want to lie there and think about what Cas was doing.<p>

He'd put all the photos Cas had sent him on a USB drive. He didn't want to stumble upon them when he used his laptop but he wasn't quite ready to delete them yet. The bag he was going to give Cas for Christmas went to Sam instead and the panties and feather boa went in the bin.

He was very thorough in deleting all traces of Cas from his life. He'd thought about going to talk to him before he left but didn't see the point. He didn't want to know who the new guy was and he didn't want another apology. He couldn't use that for anything so he stayed away from town until he was sure Cas had gone back to San Diego.

He rekindled his friendship with Ariana who was working at the beauty counter in the mall full time. She was enjoying her life and was thinking about moving out and finding her own place. Her mother wanted her to stay at home and Dean couldn't help laughing when she talked about all the reasons her mother had given for her to stay.

They went to the cinema one evening and by the end of April Dean realised they were dating. He wasn't sure how it had happened but Ariana had been to dinner at his house five times in four weeks. That seemed kind of serious.

He spent an afternoon deciding if he should go with it or stop it before it went too far. He decided on going with it. In the time he'd been alone he'd tried to figure out if he was gay. Whenever he went somewhere he would look at the men and try to find something attractive about them but he never could. Then he looked at the girls and found a couple that he wouldn't mind getting to know better.

So at the beginning of May, when Ariana asked him if their dates were leading anywhere, he said yes. She had smiled and kissed him and he found it wasn't unpleasant.

So in the Summer of Dean's 20th year he found himself with a girlfriend.

John was more than happy, of course, and Mary was just glad Dean wasn't pining anymore. But whenever Dean saw a dark haired boy he couldn't help but feel a surge in his stomach. Then he remembered Cas was far away and even if it had been him, Dean didn't want to talk to him.

* * *

><p>At the end of July, Ariana turned 20 and had a small party for her friends. Afterwards, Dean and her were sitting on the sofa in her parent's house. Her mother had managed to keep her home until now, but she was determined to find her own place and Dean had been to a few flats with her to have a look. She still hadn't found anything she liked, though, so she had to have her birthday party at home while she had managed to convince her parents to go away for the night.<p>

Dean soon found out why she had wanted them to go away. After kissing for a while, Ariana put her hands under Dean's shirt and the unexpected touch on his bare skin made him jump.

"Sorry," she laughed.

"It's alright," Dean said and smiled crookedly.

"Do you want to?" she asked and played with one of his buttons.

"Erm." Dean shiftet in his seat. It wasn't that he _didn't_ want to.

"It's not my first time so you don't have to worry," she said and smiled.

"O-kay," Dean said, not really knowing what to think about that.

Ariana stood up and put a hand out and before he knew it, Dean was on his way to a girl's bedroom at her parents house while they were away for the night. He couldn't help thinking that this was supposed to have happened two years ago.

Once in Ariana's bedroom they got on the bed and started undressing. Even though Dean wasn't a virgin, he still felt like it was his first time. They kissed and touched each other for almost half an hour but still nothing happened. Dean didn't get hard. He was starting to feel embarrassed and that didn't help the matter.

He finally decided to put an end to it. He apologised and started picking up his clothes.

Ariana looked disappointed and put her robe on.

"So you're really not into girls," she said and sat down on the bed.

"What?" Dean stood up straight and zipped his jeans.

"Dean, your gay. It doesn't matter how much you say you like girls and it's just Cas you want," Dean felt floored at the mentioning of Cas' name.

"You're gay."

She was smiling but Dean could tell she was upset.

He went and sat next to her. "I've tried to find other men attractive but I don't," he said.

"So? You've had your heart broken. Of course you're not going to find someone else right away."

Dean thought for a while. Maybe she was right. "I'm sorry," he said and took her hand.

She smiled. "It's not your fault."

"So we can still be friends?"

"Sure."

Dean hugged her. He was relieved. Relieved that they were still friends but most of all that he didn't have to pretend to like her. He'd thought a lot about it and he found her attractive but he'd never felt sexually attracted to her. Stan had found it strange that they'd been together for two months without having sex and under normal circumstances Dean would have found it difficult to wait but he just didn't feel like having sex with Ariana.

He left soon after and on the way home he decided he would take some time alone and when he felt ready to meet someone new he would go for a man. His thoughts briefly went to Cas and he felt the familiar twinge in his stomach. He was able to think about him without crying now but he still felt sad that it had ended when it did. He hadn't been ready. He'd still been madly in love with him; now he felt empty when he thought about him.

* * *

><p>Just before school started after the Summer, Dean was in town to find a few books about classic cars. He hadn't worked on the Impala since Cas broke up with him. The car reminded Dean too much of him. But now he felt ready to get the last few things done.<p>

He'd found a couple of books and had been to get a coffe for the walk home when he spottet a black haired guy walking down the other side of the street. Dean was used to seeing guys with black hair. It was like if you thought about buying a bright pink bag then suddenly you would see bright pink bags everywhere.

Dean, although he did his best not to, still thought about Cas every day and he would always spot guys with black hair that weren't him.

This time it was him, though. Next to him was...Eli. Dean stopped dead in his tracks. Eli had a possessive arm around Cas' shoulder and there was no mistaking what their relationship was. Dean felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. He thought back to the time he'd been in San Diego. When Eli had sat next to them in the old house as they kissed. When he'd come to talk to Cas after his brother had been expelled and how he willingly had said he would check up on him the day after the disastrous party. Hell, he'd even offered to drive Dean to the airport to make sure he left.

All that time Eli had probably had a thing for Cas. And he'd had plenty of time to manipulate him. While Dean was at home waiting for Cas to return, Eli had turned to Cas for comfort in a difficult situation and had made him believe he was a better match for him.

Dean started walking home with long strides. He knew he was probably making up at least half of this stuff but he felt betrayed. By Eli and by Cas. They'd had all the time in the world together while Dean had been missing Cas like crazy.

On the way, he automatically liftet the coffee to his lips and muttered angrily to himself. When he reached home, he felt sure he wouldn't find it difficult to forget about Cas now. He was furious and went upstairs to put the books on the shelf. He'd lost interest in them and the Impala. The Impala? No, he still wanted to finish it, just not now.

He was looking forward to school starting. This would be his last year and he had a six month internship at Bobby's ahead of him. Then he would be a fully licensed mechanic. He almost couldn't wait. He could get his own place and could have his boyfriend to stay the night. His boyfriend. Dean sighed and sat down. All the anger was gone and he was back to feeling hopeless despair. His life was starting for real soon and he couldn't share it with the only person he wanted to be with.

* * *

><p>Dean's life might be a little up and down, but Ariana had more luck and she finally found a flat she liked. Dean and a few others were going to help her paint and they spent a Saturday doing the place up. It was quite small but since Ariana would be living alone it was all she needed.<p>

It was September and the leaves were slowly starting to change colour. It was earlier than usual and everybody expected a cold Winter.

When Dean woke up the Sunday after the painting party he felt awful. Maybe he was getting a cold. Or maybe it was that chicken sandwich Stan had made that had been a bit off. Then again, maybe it was because he'd had sex with Ariana. He wasn't quite sure how it had happened. He'd been the last one there and while Ariana had happily chirped away about how happy she was with her new place, Dean hadn't been able to forget the sight of Cas and Eli together. He still felt angry about the whole thing. Anyway, he'd ended up sleeping with Ariana and when he left they'd decided they could still be friends despite of it.

He stared at the ceiling for about 10 minutes before finally getting up.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks for all your comments and please don't be upset. Exciting things will happen.**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 11<p>

Dean was staring out his window, thinking hard, when Sam burst into his room.

"Alright chump. Where's my present?"

Sam was turning 17 and he'd been waiting patiently downstairs while his parents took care of a last minute present disaster. Now he was tired of waiting and had decided to pester Dean until he got at least one present.

"Did Mary teach you to talk like that?" Dean asked. Mary was Sam's newest girlfriend and her name had initailly meant a bit of confusion. Not between the boys but with them and John.

"Pfft, no. So where is it?"

"You want a present?" Dean said, still deep in thought. "Alright. You're going to be an uncle. How's that for a present?"

"What?" Sam said and Dean turned around to see a look of confusion on his face.

"Yeah," Dean said with raised eyebrows.

"Wait. I'm confused," Sam said. "I can only be an uncle if you're having a baby. And as far as I know, men can't get pregnant."

"Ariana's pregnant."

Sam did his best gold fish imitation. "Are you serious?"

"Mhm."

"When did _that_ happen? _How_ did it happen? I mean, I know _how_ but, well I thought you two were over."

"We were but we spent one night together and that, as you know, is enough."

"Holy...," Sam said.

"Yup."

"So, what are you going to do? I mean, will you marry her?"

Dean told Sam the whole story. About four weeks after Dean had spent the night with Ariana, she'd come to Bobby's one afternoon to tell him that she was pregnant. He'd been floored initially and was afraid that, like Sam, she expected them to get married. But Ariana had always been sensible and she knew Dean didn't love her.

After a moment of getting used to the idea, Dean had reassured her that he would help take care of the baby. He'd asked for a few days to think and to get his head around it and at the weekend he'd gone to her place to talk the whole thing through.

In the days before, his feelings had been all over the place. There was no question he would help with the baby, of course, but he thought that maybe they should get married. Their parents would probably insist on it. Especially Ariana's parents. But a loveless marriage? What if Dean met someone and fell in love? He'd never really considered children, but then, he was so young. Since he'd accepted that he was gay he'd thought he probably wouldn't have a great chance of becoming a father so this was great news when you really thought about it. Wasn't it?

They'd agreed that Dean would pay child support and when the baby was old enough to be away from Ariana it could stay with him a certain number of days every month. Pretty regular stuff really. They would get some papers drawn up to have everything in order just in case something unforeseen happened.

When they'd talked all the serious stuff through they'd started talking about names and Dean had felt himself get very excited. He was part of bringing a brand new life into the world. Then he'd felt a little scared. What if he screwed it up? Ariana had laughed and told him he wouldn't. She would be there and so would his mom.

Dean felt cold when she'd mentioned Mary. He had to tell his parents he'd gotten a girl pregnant and wasn't going to marry her. Ariana hadn't told her parents yet. She'd wanted to talk to Dean first. The last thing they agreed on before Dean left, was to stand up to their parents when they started with their expectations. They knew what they wanted and how they wanted to do this and they wouldn't allow their families to bully them into doing something that would make them miserable.

Now, on Sam's birthday a few days later, Dean had been looking out his window trying to figure out how to tell his parents. He thought it would be best to tell his mom first and then when he'd gotten her on his side, he would tell his dad. Then Sam had burst into his room disrupting his thoughts.

When Dean had finished telling Sam everything, Sam was beginning to smile.

"I'm gonna be an uncle," he said. "Uncle Sam." His smile disappeared. "I'm gonna get teased so much."

Dean patted him on the shoulder and did a "Yeah" gesture with his head. Then they went downstairs where Mary and John were waiting. As they walked down the stairs, Dean said: "At least you'll know what costume to wear for Halloween."

Sam glared at him. "Hey, Dean. Remember the time you told me not to have sex because the girl could get pregnant?"

Now it was Dean's turn to glare at Sam.

* * *

><p>Telling his mother that he was going to be a father was more nerve wracking than Dean had initially thought. He figured that women loved babies so even though she might be a little shocked at first, he felt sure she would be happy at the thought of a little new one in the family.<p>

He'd found her loading the washing machine one afternoon and wanted to get it over with before his father came home. Turned out he'd been wrong about her changing her mind so quickly. She was quiet for a long time and Dean began to get nervous. Then she asked if he intended to marry her and he supressed a sigh and told her what they'd decided together.

"Oh," she said and went to the kitchen. "And what do her parents say?"

"I don't think she's told them yet."

She nodded.

"Mom, please don't be disappointed. I can't marry her when I don't love her. I...I'm gay." He wanted to say something more but he couldn't.

"Gay?" she said with raised eyebrows. "Is that a new thing? I thought it was only Cas-" She went quiet. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to bring him into it. I just thought you still liked girls."

"That's alright," he said, but he felt the burn in his stomach when he heard Cas' name. "I've realised that I'm probably gay. No, I know I'm gay. That's why it didn't work out with Ariana."

"And yet she's going to have your baby."

Dean sighed and squirmed a little. "It just happened one time. It was a bad month for me-"

"So you decided to get your ex-girlfriend pregnant."

"Mom! It wasn't like that."

She started wiping down the counters and Dean decided to give it one last try.

"We've already decided how to do this and we're gonna follow through with it." He went over and stood in front of her. "Mom, I can't spend my life with someone I don't love. It wouldn't be fair on either of us. And Ariana doesn't want to be tied to a man who'll come home one day an tell her he's met a man and is going to leave her. And it certainly wouldn't be fair on the baby."

She nodded but Dean wasn't sure she understood. "I'll tell Dad when he gets home," he said. She nodded again and went back to her cleaning. Dean went upstairs and tried to summon the courage he would need to tell his dad.

He was surprised at the way John reacted. They were in the basement and Dean had told him quickly, just to get it over with. Of course, he had to ask about them getting married as well, and Dean told him what they'd planned.

John nodded and said that it certainly wasn't an ideal situation but he was proud of the way Dean had handled it. Dean was so surprised he had to suppress an "Oh".

"What about Mom?" he asked. "Do you think she'll forgive me?"

"Sure she will. She just needs a little time."

"Well, I hope you're right," Dean said and went to his room to think. Maybe now was the time to get his own place. He'd thought about it for a while and now that he would have a baby to come and stay he should get a place that was big enough. Then again, the baby wouldn't be born until after he'd graduated. Maybe he could keep living at home until then so he could save up some more money.

He asked John a couple of days later and was told not to worry. He was allowed to stay as long as he wanted, so with everything more or less figured out, Dean was beginning to look forward to the coming year.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

"Hey, Bobby?"

Dean was about to leave for the day but before he did he had something important to talk to Bobby about.

"Yeah?" Bobby loked up from the accounts he was trying to finish.

"I was just thinking there's something we haven't really discussed."

"What's that?" Bobby turned his attention back to his book.

"Well, I was thinking if you would give me a job when I graduate?"

Bobby looked up again. He thought for a while then said: "Well, I might as well. Otherwise you'll just open your own shop and steal all my customers, what with the way women swoon over you."

"They don't swoon! I guess I just...agree with them," Dean shrugged with a contented smile.

"Hmm..," Bobby said, staring into his book.

Dean hovered for a moment.

"Is there anything else?" Bobby asked.

"Um, I'm going to be a dad."

Now he had Bobby's undivided attention. At least for a few seconds.

"I thought you didn't go for women," he said.

"I don't really. It's a long story. Anyway, you know I dated Ariana for a while."

Bobby screwed up his face like he was trying to remember.

"Nevermind," Dean said. "Ariana and me are going to have a baby. And I want to make sure everything's in order, you know, with a job and a place to live and things."

"That's sounds like a good idea," Bobby said and added up a few numbers on the calculator.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow," Dean said. There didn't seem to be any point in trying to include Bobby in the coming event.

"Congratulations, kid," Bobby said when Dean had turned around.

"Thanks," Dean said with a smile. Walking home, he felt more at ease and he could tell his family the good news during dinner. Mary had been a little frosty for a while but as she had gotten used to the idea and had heard Ariana's side of the story she had accepted that they wouldn't get married.

Ariana's family weren't as cool with the whole thing as Dean's family. She found it difficult to talk to them and had kept a distance to them in the past few weeks. Instead, she went to Mary to talk about things and that had helped with her acceptance.

* * *

><p>As December approached, Dean couldn't help thinking back to the year before. He almost couldn't believe it was a year since Cas broke up with him. This year, Ariana would spend Christmas with them and Dean was happy. It might not be an ideal situation but he felt they had handled it well and he was looking forward to going to their check-up next week. They had discussed if they should find out the sex of the baby and had decided they didn't want to know, much to the disappointment of the family.<p>

They were starting to get the nursery together and Mary had dug out the boys' old cot from the attic. All in all, Dean felt like life was going his way again. One Friday afternoon, he stayed late at the garage to work on the Impala. He wanted to finish it because he wanted to drive his baby home from hospital in it so he had spent a lot of time making the last few adjustments.

He was buffing the leather on the back seat when he heard a voice that made his stomach hurt.

"Hi, Dean," the voice said, and Dean thought it couldn't be who he thought it was.

When he turned around, he found that it was exactly that. It was Cas, looking almost his usual self.

Dean just stared at him. He was too surprised to say anything.

Cas gave him a hesitant smile. "The car looks great. Have you finished everything now?"

Dean still just stared. Cas sounded like he'd just seen the car, and Dean for that matter, a few weeks ago.

Cas' smile disappeared when Dean didn't say anything.

"I know you're probably surprised to see me," he said and fiddled with the zipper on his coat.

"I..um...I came to ask you something. Is...that okay?"

Dean finally snapped out of it. "What?" he said. He felt the pull in him to take Cas into his arms and kiss him but those days were long gone now.

"I've heard you're going to be a father."

Dean was surprised, to say the least. How had he heard that? As far as he knew people weren't talking about him and Ariana. It wasn't a big scandal.

"Are you?" Cas asked, when Dean didn't answer. He almost sounded nervous.

"Yeah."

Cas nodded and looked down. "Do you love her?"

Dean was thinking about the time he'd seen Cas and Eli together here in town. He was thinking about the party in San Diego when Cas had been smoking pot. Maybe being with Eli meant he could buy it cheaper; or maybe get it for free. Eli's brother was selling the stuff after all. And he was thinking about all the times he'd called Cas and he hadn't answered because he'd been busy taking things further with Eli.

"Yes," he said, and he saw the hurt in Cas' eyes.

Cas nodded. "Well, that's great," he said, without fooling anyone.

"Congratulations. I hope you'll be happy together. Please give my best to your parents and Sam." He started to back away and Dean just stood there and watched him leave. He could have sworn he saw a tear roll down Cas' cheek before he turned around.

When he was gone, Dean sat down on the back seat for a while. He had been so surprised to see Cas. The conversation kept running through his head but he still couldn't figure out what had really happened.

When he was in bed that night, he was still wondering what the purpose of Cas' visit had been. At least, Dean thought, he hadn't been sitting home pining and hoping Cas would change his mind. He had a baby to show for the time since they broke up. He fell asleep feeling satisfied and a little like he might have said the wrong thing. The thought that maybe Cas wanted him back had crossed his mind but he couldn't get it to fit with anything.

* * *

><p>On June 19th, Dean finally became a father. It was a girl and Ariana wanted to call her Daisy May. Dean had cringed at the name but as he held his daughter he could see that she was a dainty little thing and the name fitted her perfectly, so Daisy May Winchester it was.<p>

Sam teased Dean that if he beamed anymore with pride he would blind the whole hospital. After a lot of visits from friends and family, Dean could finally drive Ariana and Daisy May home. They were going to the Winchester house for the first few days. Ariana's family had accepted the situation by now but Ariana still preferred to stay with Dean's family. It was easier because Dean wanted to take part in everything and they had Mary to ask questions.

They didn't get much sleep the first weeks they were home and Dean was very tired when he went to work. He'd finally graduated and was now a licenced mechanic. He was looking for a place to live and things were going great when the past once again came back to punch him in the face.

About four weeks after Daisy was born, Ruth suddenly turned up at the garage needing a check-up for her car.

She was her old self and didn't seem bothered that Dean was her son's ex-boyfriend and that it might be weird for him.

"I hear you have a baby now," she said and Dean was stunned, wondering how Cas and his family knew about these things.

"I do," he said, feeling nervous.

"Well, congratulations. Boy or girl?"

"Girl. Daisy May." Dean had told her the name before he really got a chance to think. It was a bit creepy she turned up knowing this. Then again, if Cas had told her, she could do the math and figure out the baby would certainly be born by now.

Ruth smiled. "That's very sweet. Is she easy?"

"She's getting there. She still wakes up at least once every night."

She laughed. "Don't worry. That'll change. Before you know it she'll be walking, then running and then she'll be moving away from home. Cas is living in Colorado now. He got a job there so we don't get to see him that often." She stopped when she saw the agonising expression on Dean's face.

"Oh, I'm sorry Dean. I didn't think."

"That's okay," Dean smiled and tried to sound normal.

Ruth still felt bad but Dean assured her he was fine and told her he would have the car ready for tomorrow. As he drove it into the garage, he felt turmoil inside. He wanted to be with Cas but he couldn't get past the feeling of betrayal and he didn't know if Cas still wanted him. Maybe he and Eli were living together in Colorado. He had thought about what he would do when Cas came back. There was a chance they would meet in town and one of them might be with someone else. Now he didn't have to worry about that but it wasn't a consolation. Cas was still far away and Dean would probably never see him again.


	13. Chapter 13

**Judging by your comments some of you might not like this. But I hope you'll read it anyway and let me know what you think.**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 13<p>

Dean closed the bonnet of the car he'd been working on and switched his phone off. He'd just discussed Daisy's birthday with Ariana. She would turn one in a couple of weeks and since she would be too young to remember the party, they'd decided to spend the day at the Winchester house with the family. Mary had offered because both Ariana and Dean's places were too small to have any kind of comfortable party, as she'd put it.

Dean was now renting a small flat above the hardware store. He'd been working hard and Bobby had expanded the garage so they could take more customers. But Bobby also had a limit to the changes he would agree on. He didn't mind a few more customers but he didn't want the place to get too big. Small and easy was his style and Dean agreed. Their work relationship was pretty much perfect and Dean had been very happy there.

His phone rang again and he could see it was Sam. He was leaving this Autumn to start school in Kansas City and Dean wanted to spend as much time with him as he could before then.

"Yo, Sammy," he said.

"Dean, Mom's been in an accident." Dean could hear he was crying and he felt cold all over wondering just what kind of accident.

"How bad is it?" he managed.

"I don't know. I'm at the hospital now waiting for them to tell me. She was hit by a car. I can't get a hold of Dad."

"I'll pick him up, then we'll be right there."

Sam told him where to go when they got to the hospital and Dean ran to the office to find Bobby.

His heart was pounding as he drove to the real estate agent where John worked. He parked outside and ran in. He scanned the room for his father but instead of him, he saw Cas standing at the far end of the room putting some papers in a folder. He was wearing a nice suit and looked like he was working there.

"Dean?"

He heard his father's voice and turned his attention away from Cas.

"What are you doing here?"

"Mom's been in an accident. Sam's waiting for us at the hospital."

He could see his father turn pale. "I-I'll tell them I'm leaving," he said.

Dean cast one last glance Cas' way, then left with John.

The drive to the hospital seemed to take hours but finally they were there and could go and find Sam.

After waiting about 20 minutes, the doctors came out and told them Mary would be fine. She had a broken leg and a lot of bruises and scrapes but she didn't have any head injuries.

The family was relieved and they could go and see her for a while. She looked pale and weak but she kept saying she was fine. They stayed as long as they were allowed, then the nurse came and said she could do with some rest. John stayed behind a bit longer while the boys went home.

The next day, they left early to go back to the hospital. Dean had called Ariana and told her what had happened and she would stop by a bit later. She would bring Daisy as a visit from her would probably cheer Mary up.

Mary spent nine days at the hospital before she was allowed to go home. By then her bruises had almost healed and they just had to take her leg into consideration. John and the boys had moved a bed into the office downstairs so she wouldn't have to navigate the stairs. Ariana's mother had made a few caseroles and put them in the freezer so they would have something to eat. She didn't trust John or the boys to cook a proper meal and though Dean thought it was very nice of her, he still felt a little annoyed. It just showed how much she didn't know about him or his family. He wasn't a brilliant cook but he still managed to make a decent meal for himself every day. And Sam wasn't too bad in a kitchen either.

The night they had moved the bed downstairs, Dean finally had a chance to ask his dad about Cas. John hesitated for a while then said: "He's been working there for about two months. He called me one day out of the blue and asked for a job. He'd been working in Denver at a real estate agent but wanted to come back home."

He sat on the bed and continued: "I didn't tell you because he didn't want me to. He said it would be best if you didn't know."

Dean nodded. It probably had been the best. But now that he knew Cas was back and working with his dad he had to rethink everything. Now there was a real chance they would run into each other and Dean knew they hadn't parted the best of ways; either time.

Daisy's birthday was a quiet affair but the family was just happy Mary was home and safe. A few days later, Dean went to talk to Cas. He'd asked John where he lived and John had told him without commenting or telling him not to rip up old wounds.

His heart was pounding and he could hear the blood rush in his ears as he knocked on the door. It was a Saturday evening and he might not be home. Then again, he might, and he might also have someone over. Dean almost regretted not calling first when the door was opened and he was face to face with Cas who looked more than surprised.

"I, err...I heard you were back," Dean said. "I was wondering if we could talk."

Cas stepped aside to let him in.

They went to sit down on the sofa and didn't look at each other for a while. Dean didn't know how to start the conversation. He hadn't really thought past knocking on the door. Cas asked if he wanted coffee and Dean said yes. Not because he felt like it but because he needed a moment to think. Cas went to the kitchen, a small one carved out of one corner of the living room and Dean looked around the place. It was a nice flat, modern and tidy. Just the sort of place Dean had imagined Cas would live in.

Cas came back and had obviously needed the time to think as well because he congratulated Dean on Daisy. They talked about her for a while and Cas said: "So you and Ariana aren't together?"

"No," Dean said. He wondered how much he knew from John.

"I'm not seeing anyone," Cas said and took Dean by surprise. Before he could say anything, Cas continued.

"I was with Eli for a while." He paused. "He was the one..."

"I know," Dean said. "I saw you in town once."

Cas turned his head quickly and looked at him. "Oh," he said. "Actually, I'd broken up with him then but he just showed up here one day wanting to work things out. I'd tried to let him down easy but he didn't want to hear it so he came here."

Dean wondered if he should have done the same. If he had fought for Cas would they have still been together? Did he make a mistake? But then Daisy wouldn't have been born and Dean couldn't imagine life without her.

"So what did you do?" Dean heard himself ask. He wasn't sure he wanted to know but since they weren't together anymore he figured Eli would have been dumped at some point and thinking about that gave him a strange feeling of satisfaction.

"I tried giving it a chance but he was just too possessive. I should've known, really. He'd always seemed fond of me but since you'r visit to San Diego he changed. He wanted to spend time with me every day and kept going on about how great we would be together."

He thought for a while.

"I guess I was flattered by his attention. And with you so far away I didn't have anyone to bring me back down. When I came to see you at the garage I was hoping we could give it another try but since you were with Ariana I didn't want to mess anything up between you. Especially with a baby on the way."

"We weren't together then," Dean said. "I might as well be honest with you." He sat more comfortably on the sofa, relieved to finally get everything out in the open.

"I just said that because I was angry. I knew you'd been with Eli and I felt betrayed. So I lied."

Cas nodded like he understood. They were quiet for a while.

"And now? You aren't seeing anyone?" Cas asked. Dean shook his head.

Cas reached out a hand and then they were suddenly kissing and Dean's nose was filled with the scent of Cas. His body felt only Cas and he thought his head was going to explode. They kissed for a long time and Dean's lips were getting numb and he found it hard to breathe.

Cas finally managed to get him into the bedroom and as they lay together for the first time in years, Dean trembled. It was hot and sweet. It felt both familiar and strange at the same time. He hadn't realised how much he'd wanted to be with Cas. He was seeing red and flashing colours and he heard Cas whisper his name.

They kissed until they fell asleep and when Dean woke up a few hours later he got up to get a glass of water. He had a more thorough look around the living room and spottet a familiar shape in the corner near the kitchen. It was Cas' old skateboard. He ran a finger along the edge and suddenly sobbed, surprising himself.

The skateboard brought back so many memories. He thought about the times they'd gone to the park with Sam so he could learn to skate. About fooling around in Cas' bedroom after school and the trouble of getting his father to accept their relationship. And now Cas was working with him.

Dean desperately missed the boy he'd fallen in love with. The boy who'd always had his best interest in mind. He knew it was the same person who was lying in the bedroom but he'd missed out on so much of his life. He'd grown up without Dean like Dean had grown up without him.

He put the glass down and went back to the bedroom. Cas was lying on his side and Dean snuggled up to him, making him put and arm around his waist in his sleep and he felt a little better.

The next morning they took a shower together and then had breakfast in the living room. It felt like a special day; like it was Christmas or somebody's birthday and the boys talked about everything they could think of. It turned out Stan had been the one to tell Cas about Daisy. They'd bumped into each other in town and Stan had waisted no time letting Cas know Dean was doing fine without him.

Cas drank the last of his coffee and then got up and went to the book shelf where he found a large scrapbook he gave to Dean.

Dean opened it and saw it was filled with pictures and a comment for each one. There were also tickets and stickers attached.

"There's about six months missing but these are the photos I couldn't send to you," he said.

Dean didn't know what to say. While Cas did the dishes, Dean looked through the scrapbook. There were pictures from trips around the San Diego area, one of a pale Cas before his final exam, some from his graduation and from when he moved to Colorado. There were a few from the place he'd lived in Denver and one of the office where he'd worked. It was everything Dean had missed out on.

When Cas came back, they sat and talked about the album for a while and Cas told Dean more about it.

Dean kissed him and Cas had a request.

"Do you think I can meet Daisy?" he asked and Dean smiled.

"Of course," he said. "You're going to be her new dad after all."

He stopped. They hadn't talked about that. He'd just assumed. Cas felt him freeze up and said: "I was hoping that myself," and Dean relaxed.

"I love you, Dean," Cas said and pulled him close.

"I love you too," Dean said, and rested his head against Cas' chest. It had been a long detour but they were finally on their way to their happy ending. And something good had come from it after all, Dean thought, as he checked his watch to see when he was going to pick up his daughter.

-THE END-


End file.
